Yes, gender based violence is a serious and gruesome issue, but it's the "leaves", not the "root". Gender based violence is an outcome of an issue less talked about and ignored.
It takes broken people to break others
Yes, gender based (GBV)violence is a serious and gruesome issue, but GBV is the "leaves", not the "root". GBV is an outcome of an issue less talked about and ignored. Millions are pumped towards the fight against gender based violence. Quite a noble cause, but we won't win against the teething problem unless we address the root cause, being the brokenness of the man and his neglect thereof. BROKENNESS: many of our men are broken out there! Now, the simple social science is, "It takes broken people to break others".
Many men go on to abuse kids and women because they are broken. Only an ubnormal (broken) someone finds delight in bashing or murdering the vulnerable. It's an animalistic or inhuman trait, and if broken, one can exhibit such. The absent dad syndrome is hugely affecting us! According to global statistics, most households are run by women. Where the man is absent in the home, cracks in society become visible. Many of us men grew up without our dads. To the boy-child, his father is a big role model. Without his main model (father), the boy-child grows lacking the crucial grooming he should get from his dad who has a firmer hand! We can't keep relegating to our women the tough role of raising boy-children. When a male figure or father be absent in the home, the boy child often overrides his mother's or female guardian's control. Many boy-children who grow up in such setups end up in crime, if not in prison!
The world prisons are by far packed by men than women! So we in a way raise a society of unruly males. Such a people become a danger to society. If we want to fix the GBV issue, we need to go back to the home, get the man back in the home! Let's also be aware that once dad is not around, the boy-child grows up battling rejection. A big wound is created right there. This is a boy that will grow up to be an unaffectionate someone. It only takes someone whole to make another whole. If the boy child and men are not whole, they can't transfer any wholeness to the woman and society as a whole.
Some of us men (who were once boys), because of not having our dads present or active at home, never saw love demonstrated. Like, we've never seen a male figure demonstrate love. So how can we then demonstrate love? I'm a therapist, counsel numerous couples and individuals, see this issue often. Some of us only saw our dads beat our mums up. So we go on to replicate the same behavior elsewhere. Also, in the community, the boy-child often lacks positive male models. Many times, the boy-child's heroes are the gangsters in the hood, or uncles who are womanizers.
The environment the boy-child grows in creates a comfort zone for his brokenness. The Brokenness continues to breed and infest our society. Also, culture does in a way play a big role in perpetuating GBV. Culture is definitely beautiful, but it can be abused! In a way, our African cultures teach that the woman is the man's commodity. Like, the woman has to do what the man wants or is subject to the man. Such a paradigm can promote oppression. NEGLECT: Whilst we've been empowering the girl-child and woman over the years, we've neglected the boy-child and man in process. Take a good look just at our churches. They are packed by women. Men are way fewer in numbers in churches! Moreover, women have services where they are taught on getting ready for marriage, and how to take good care of a man. Even in homes and communities, that takes place. Great practice, but who prepares the man for marriage and the woman?? Almost none does that. We as men are also a problem to ourselves when it comes to this specific issue. We don't like to read, learn.
Naturally, men see getting help as a weakness. We don't want counseling sessions, relationship seminars. I seldom see men walk into my office for help. Ladies pour in, weekly. Unlike us men who are physical beings, women who are emotional beings find therapy through talking about their issues. Men don't believe in talking! They would rather solve their problems internally. Does this work? No. You'll find men often in soccer stadiums, pubs, at work (workaholism), at golf courses, etc. Great, but the man at end never has time to learn about the opposite gender. So a man often gets into a relationship clueless on how to take care of a woman. All he was taught is, "Uyindoda (You are a man)","The woman has to be subject to you". Submission to the woman works perfectly fine and automatically, only if the man will bring love to the table! (Ephesians 5:22-29) Where there is no love given, submission becomes oppression. Now, where submission is oppression, it becomes colossal breeding ground for abuse, GBV...
So we need to go back to educating the man on how to be a gentleman. The more gentlemen we have, the less cancers like GBV we will have. Telling the man he's "tr*sh", or that he has to stop violence, is not enough. We need to help him with coping mechanisms. Schools, Governments, churches, homes, chiefs, and community leaders need to come on board in solving the issue of the brokenness and neglect of the man and boy-child. I write more on the issue in my book "The Naked Truth About Men". Visit my Bookstore on my website www.bakhedlamini.com to purchase.